The big 'A'
Anxiety.
It's talked about a lot on social media these days. It's fantastic really. I believe that the stigma that surrounds anxiety disorders, and in fact other mental health issues, is lessening and people are beginning to understand that its okay to ask for help. We, as a society, are recognising that we don't have to be perfect, we don't have to be ON all the time and have it all together.
I've felt prompted this afternoon to share about my own experience with Generalised Anxiety Disorder over the past ten years, and the impact it has on my life today.
First of all, a bit of background. When I was 14, I started experiencing scary heart palpitations. They would happen with no warning, make me feel like my heart was beating out of my chest (too fast to count). There was no rhyme or reason to what set them off. They always self-reverted and after a bit of a rest, I was good to go again.
I was diagnosed with Supra-Ventricular Tacchycardia -(SVT) a benign (and fairly common) condition. In simple terms, the heart's natural pace-maker short circuits itself so there's nothing to regulate the heartbeat. It takes off on it's own and races (over 200+ bpm). Anywhere between 2-15 minutes later it would switch back to normal. No worries. I learned to deal with it. It happened say 4-5 times a year, long enough to forget about it in between times. I was always conscious and alert too, so could always get help if I needed it.
Until I was in my mid-twenties, when I had an unusual episode whilst on holiday. The symptoms were different (and slightly more dangerous) this time, landing me in hospital with a racing heart for 8 hours while they figured out options of what to do. It did eventually revert on it's own, I was discharged and sent on my merry (but very tired!) way.
Something in me changed though. The next time I had an episode, I panicked. I visualised landing in hospital again for hours and hours. I didn't; it was fine - but all of a sudden it was very scary.
For a few months, I lived in constant fear of it happening again. I couldn't concentrate on anything at all. I had to take stress leave from work because I wasn't functioning. However, I was also afraid of being alone. It was a pretty dark place to be honest. It's a point in time when I can recall feeling so lost; yet also the closest to God I've ever been.
I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder at the time. For me it was largely catastrophic thinking. It wasn't just about my heart, for example "what happens if I'm at home alone when I have an episode but the ambulance officers can't get to me because I've locked the door". It was all worst-case-scenario thinking, about any situation I found myself in. It took a lot of my energy; irrational worry about unlikely situations is exhausting. It also held me back from a lot of new experiences, particularly once my sons came along and I worried about their health/wellbeing/lives. (if you suffer from anxiety yourself, I bet you can relate to this).
Now, more than 10 years on, I have a better handle on things. I still live with anxiety, but I am better equipped (through techniques learned at counselling sessions) to recognise the physical symptoms that appear first, determine the cause of the anxiety and rationalise my way out of any impending anxiety attack.
There's two things I've recognised that make a big difference to keeping anxiety at bay.
The first is physical exercise, particularly high intensity exercise like running. There's a lot to be said for endorphins and their effect on one's mood. If I am active on most days of the week, I am more relaxed. I have spoken to many others who agree that running keeps them sane. (This is part of the reason why I'm so passionate about helping other people get into exercise, particularly running).
The second, which began as an experiment for just one month, but has now become a permanent change, is COFFEE. Specifically, switching to decaf. I wasn't a huge coffee drinker at the time - my limit was two espressos a day on our home machine - but I knew it was worth trying decaf for a month. I could still get the same flavour and experience with a decaf coffee, but without the stimulant effect of the caffeine. I liked the way I felt - more relaxed, less antsy (particularly because I was no longer addicted to caffeine!) and I haven't looked back.
It's not to say that I don't feel anxious now. I still do, from time-to-time. However it happens less frequently (as do the SVT episodes themselves!). I am just better equipped to deal with it and not let it control my life.
Like today. I was running down some stairs out on the trail and felt a few palpitations in my chest. The same beats that always preclude (but don't ALWAYS lead to) an SVT episode. My first thought was "Oh no, I'm out here alone, what if it happens here?" so I turned around and started heading back the way I came, to the safety of public roads, people, etc. My second thought was "No. You're stronger than this" at which point I spun around again and continued.
Victory.
💖 K8
Do you live with anxiety? What do you find helps you?
It's talked about a lot on social media these days. It's fantastic really. I believe that the stigma that surrounds anxiety disorders, and in fact other mental health issues, is lessening and people are beginning to understand that its okay to ask for help. We, as a society, are recognising that we don't have to be perfect, we don't have to be ON all the time and have it all together.
I've felt prompted this afternoon to share about my own experience with Generalised Anxiety Disorder over the past ten years, and the impact it has on my life today.
First of all, a bit of background. When I was 14, I started experiencing scary heart palpitations. They would happen with no warning, make me feel like my heart was beating out of my chest (too fast to count). There was no rhyme or reason to what set them off. They always self-reverted and after a bit of a rest, I was good to go again.
I was diagnosed with Supra-Ventricular Tacchycardia -(SVT) a benign (and fairly common) condition. In simple terms, the heart's natural pace-maker short circuits itself so there's nothing to regulate the heartbeat. It takes off on it's own and races (over 200+ bpm). Anywhere between 2-15 minutes later it would switch back to normal. No worries. I learned to deal with it. It happened say 4-5 times a year, long enough to forget about it in between times. I was always conscious and alert too, so could always get help if I needed it.
Until I was in my mid-twenties, when I had an unusual episode whilst on holiday. The symptoms were different (and slightly more dangerous) this time, landing me in hospital with a racing heart for 8 hours while they figured out options of what to do. It did eventually revert on it's own, I was discharged and sent on my merry (but very tired!) way.
Something in me changed though. The next time I had an episode, I panicked. I visualised landing in hospital again for hours and hours. I didn't; it was fine - but all of a sudden it was very scary.
For a few months, I lived in constant fear of it happening again. I couldn't concentrate on anything at all. I had to take stress leave from work because I wasn't functioning. However, I was also afraid of being alone. It was a pretty dark place to be honest. It's a point in time when I can recall feeling so lost; yet also the closest to God I've ever been.
I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder at the time. For me it was largely catastrophic thinking. It wasn't just about my heart, for example "what happens if I'm at home alone when I have an episode but the ambulance officers can't get to me because I've locked the door". It was all worst-case-scenario thinking, about any situation I found myself in. It took a lot of my energy; irrational worry about unlikely situations is exhausting. It also held me back from a lot of new experiences, particularly once my sons came along and I worried about their health/wellbeing/lives. (if you suffer from anxiety yourself, I bet you can relate to this).
Now, more than 10 years on, I have a better handle on things. I still live with anxiety, but I am better equipped (through techniques learned at counselling sessions) to recognise the physical symptoms that appear first, determine the cause of the anxiety and rationalise my way out of any impending anxiety attack.
There's two things I've recognised that make a big difference to keeping anxiety at bay.
The first is physical exercise, particularly high intensity exercise like running. There's a lot to be said for endorphins and their effect on one's mood. If I am active on most days of the week, I am more relaxed. I have spoken to many others who agree that running keeps them sane. (This is part of the reason why I'm so passionate about helping other people get into exercise, particularly running).
The second, which began as an experiment for just one month, but has now become a permanent change, is COFFEE. Specifically, switching to decaf. I wasn't a huge coffee drinker at the time - my limit was two espressos a day on our home machine - but I knew it was worth trying decaf for a month. I could still get the same flavour and experience with a decaf coffee, but without the stimulant effect of the caffeine. I liked the way I felt - more relaxed, less antsy (particularly because I was no longer addicted to caffeine!) and I haven't looked back.
It's not to say that I don't feel anxious now. I still do, from time-to-time. However it happens less frequently (as do the SVT episodes themselves!). I am just better equipped to deal with it and not let it control my life.
Like today. I was running down some stairs out on the trail and felt a few palpitations in my chest. The same beats that always preclude (but don't ALWAYS lead to) an SVT episode. My first thought was "Oh no, I'm out here alone, what if it happens here?" so I turned around and started heading back the way I came, to the safety of public roads, people, etc. My second thought was "No. You're stronger than this" at which point I spun around again and continued.
Victory.
💖 K8
Do you live with anxiety? What do you find helps you?
Hey, thanks for your sharing. I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder which comes with anxiety and when it was extreme vomiting and nausea to. Today I have it under control and what I have found has helped me the most is writing and releasing it and also being creative with arts, crafts, paintings, designing etc
ReplyDeleteHi Eva :) Thanks for taking the time to comment :) I'm so glad you've found something that works for you too! x
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